11:31 - 27.07.05
been dreaming awfully a lot about planes, universities, homes, rides, freedom. it's been 3 days and i hate to think that i actually miss perth cos in actual fact, i don't. maybe what i miss is the freedom that i had. the chance of being somewhere else other than office and aljunied. it's not just perth. i've been dreaming about him for so many days that i think this is perhaps the first time i feel so strongly about missing someone. like totally strongly. i can't describe it properly. i dream of us doing almost everything together. in our home, in our school, in the airport. it was as if, i was hoping to be in perth again, with him. technically, i do want to be somewhere else with him, alone. but again, i wish it wasn't perth i was thinking about. oh gosh.. this is so confusing and tiring.
the effect of getting married has kinda mellowed a bit. am tryin my best to accept things i can't change. change my perception of people. accept people for who they are. there are many reasons for me to simply ignore the problem. and am not proud to say that i am actually doing just that. ignoring. the best of people will fight it and deal with it. i just think i am not ready to deal with it. deal with the issues. so for now, avoidance is the best policy. am letting go of the one thing that used to frustrate me. i guess, it's a small sacrifice on my part. it's not easy. while i don't think twice about the harmonious living that involves my siblings or other parts of my own family, it's different for him. sometimes, i tend to forget that we are two different individuals when it comes to this. i for one, don't care about what goes on in other people's life even though they are family. that's something that i can't apply for his family. as much as i want to tell myself that i am an individual with my own rights, i have to start thinking about me as us. both of us. oh well.. i've given myself too much time to daydream about my fancy wedding. now's the time to start being realistic about it. realistic, what a dirty word.
that is NOT to say that i am not excited about it.
i can't wait for the weekends to be here. for one, my pay is in. two, i don't have to work my ass off this weekend. three, am meeting aeros!! four, am bringing my parents out for chapati. five, we're bringing his mum out for dim sum. six.. it's the weekends. am happy.
my desktop. i like.