10:10 - 23.08.05
sometimes when you least expect it, the person closest to you might just go without any warning. since growing up, i've gotten used to old people going away cos they grow old or they're sick etc... and am pretty ok with ppl who are sick and they die cos that's the way it is, i suppose. but i've never really thought about losing a friend. most of my friends are of the same age as me and i've never thought of death for anyone of us at this age. and so, i could not imagine the pain and shock my uncle had to face when one of his best pals passed away on sunday. he refused to look at the body, lying there motionless... he said he'll faint if he sees it. i suspected that the main reason for cooking immediately after getting to know abt his death acted as a distraction for my uncle. can you imagine 23 years of friendship and ending it just like that? with a snap of a finger wihout any illness, without any accident, without any warning? i can't. i wouldn't know what to do/ what to feel if any of my friends go off before me. will i be angry at god? will i question myself about what i've done with my life? will i quickly go to their house and grief? will i just stay at home, not wanting to face reality? am not sure... my uncle was quite upbeat after the funeral but i know. i know deep down, he was shattered. he must have stayed behind and cried by himself. the feeling must be lonely when your only best pal is gone.
quite a number of things happened over the weekends apart from the funeral. i simply refused to go to the look-see look-see wedding cos i didn't feel i had enough energy to be nice to anyone. but ended up arguing for no appearant reason when i met the boy. my lateness was one, sure. but that wasn't the only time i was late? was damn tired when i reached town after a long day at work. trust me, an arguement after a long day at work is no joke. it crawls thru your bones and uses up whatever energy you have left. i wonder how married couples do it when they get home after work. maybe that's why most of them end up not talking to each other. cos they're just too exhausted. oh good then. we'll just go home and have endless sex in bed and keep quiet before and after that. good. so anyway, i couldnt meet up with you guys, sorry! i was really shagged by night time, i had to go home.
my cat, lola, has been very moody since last night when we got a new cat home. i think it's a woman thang... the new baby cat got terrified, for a while, before she started biting our fingers! oh woman...