16:50 - 13.10.05
ok so i haven't been updating fast enough. just didn't have the time recently. was out at work most of the time. if am not at work, i'll be at home. hungry.
am craving for western food again today. must have been yesterday's visit to breeks with the rest. the spaghetti was so creamy. so nice. :) this month am so broke but found enough to go out with my friends last night. i guess it's the nonchalant attitude i've been advocating recently. been feeling positive and good about myself. what bothers me at work doesnt bother me at home anymore. or at least, i try to.
speaking of good... i can't think of any other reason why i can't get the job. oh wait.. i know one! am a girl. i know the job's physically and mentally harsh. but what i've been through in this office taught me a lot about mental strength. how many times have i felt so helpless at the situations that i get myself into with all these malays? countless? it takes a great deal of mental health and strength to just carry on with this current job. am sure i appeared confident throughout the interview. i would say that my qualifications shines above the rest of the candidates. the only thing that will stop me now is tha fact that am a girl who wears make-up. how discriminating. it's not as if i didn't wear the suit or i didn't climb the 3 story high steps or carried 5kg of water hose... i did all that man... with difficulty but i did it. if i don't get a chance in this, i'll be disappointed. but i'll accept it as god's decision for me... i've tried my best and all that's left is god's will.
yah... i've been wanting to tell you guys something but i just couldn't find the right moment. i know i have to tell you guys some day. from the bottom of my heart, i hope you will understand and wish me luck in this new life i'll be going thru. i embraced it and so have others. their lives turn out well and i know mine will to if i trust him on this. how does it feel like to be dependant on someone for once? it feels good yet it attaches itself to some sappy songs that i can't get out of my head. arrghh... my whole life, i've been able to make my own decisions and do things my way. soon, things will change and my decisions are no longer just mine. it'll be ours... that's something that i hope you will understand.